Running with Bennie this week has been an adventure and 14.52 miles of running together, but we have had fun and he is making me much more consistent than I would be otherwise about my running. My run streak is up to 21 Days and I am not sure when it will end – probably when I get to feeling more tired.
For now, I am feeling pretty good and upbeat (well now that the race is over).
If you read my Run for the Fallen 5K recap, you will understand a little more about my struggles with race anxiety and how it affects my attempts to run in races outside of the local area. The bottom-line is that I made it to the starting line and finished the race with the best 5K time I have had this year :-).
All things considered, I did better than I thought I did.
Although when I finished the race and looked at my watch, I was a little disappointed with the time and my effort, but when I got to thinking about it while writing this post – I did just fine.
There were a LOT of positives to take-away from the race!
Honoring the Fallen – the ringing of the bell after reading the Fallen’s name part of the memorial service was very powerful for me. (just a couple of tears were shed)
Making it to the starting line today!!! Yes, I had some serious doubts about whether I would, over the past couple of days and even almost left around 9:30 – due to some frustrations I was having – my problems no one else’s.
It was the fastest I have run a 5K this year – 22:33
I had a right on pace first mile – 6:39
I was smart and didn’t push through, when my hamstring started to tighten up after the first mile, I pulled back until it stopped barking really loudly.
This morning I ran with Bennie, a nice easy 2.5 miler down back, nothing special, just a nice run on a beautiful day.
What was surprising was that I didn’t run the Doc & Mardie 5K over in Waterville this morning, which I had planned on doing all summer, it was one of my goal races.
Hell this post should be a Doc & Mardie 5K race recap or even a quick RunLog entry about my Bennie Run, instead it is something else completely.
The truth is that I just “never” got around to putting in the race registration. I know Patrick, the race director pretty well and have volunteered at the Quarry Road Trail Race series with him for the past couple of years. Which also means that I know a lot of the runners who were running the race this morning.
I knew it would be a good time, although running up the hill by Colby, would be a pain-in-the-ass. However, the after-the-race camaraderie of the event would more than make up for the tough course.
However, for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to register for this race, yesterday I did a tough long run (which I do not do before a goal race) or even go this morning and just do a race-day registration.
I had plenty of opportunities.
TheWife even asked last night and this morning if I was going and I made up some excuse about having to put the front door back together (which could have waited until I got home), last week I had gone down to Portland to see Meb and didn’t want to do two weekends in a row and best of all – I just didn’t feel like it.
The bottom-line was that I didn’t go run the Doc and Mardie 5K today, even though I planned to and wanted to.
Imagine that you have one of your major goal races coming up this weekend. It is an important race that you have trained hard to prepare for this race.
You have big dreams and goals for how you will do.
Then when the race comes around, you want to be somewhere else, to be honest anywhere else, but at that race.
That is how I feel for most of the races I go to, it does not matter how big or how small they are. It got better for a while, but it is starting to raising its ugly head again.
Where did it start?
I am pretty competitive, sometimes I am just too damn competitive.
In high school, I did not run or compete at the level I could have or in some of the more important meets or “Regionals”, because I just could not do it. I couldn’t go.
I was too scared of failure, to have my own visions of glory dashed against the rocks of reality. I would fake being sick, go somewhere else, create reasons not to go, fake injuries and all the other tricks to get out of doing something that scares the hell out of you, so you do not have to show others “how good” you really are. Continue reading “Race Anxiety – What it Feels Like”→